Day 3 - 14/12/2009

I am holding my feelings better today. I still feel like crying thinking why my love is not enough to make her do not feel alone...but I am holding on. She sent one email for the reply I asked. The content is "quite nice". Shows a high level of reciprocity. She does not want to lose me neither forget what happened between us. I am still shocked that I put myself in such situation. I wish I could only just go there now hold her in my arms and say: "If you miss me and you cannot feel good because you feel alone, I am not going away. I am staying, because since you thawed my heart YOU ARE the priority for me". To be honest I just need one ask for that and I would go...
I sent a reply of my reply. But I really thought for some considerable time before doing this. I want her. I want to deal with her problems. I am really avoiding all the dark thoughts that were making me just relate every single change to some regret, or end of the crazy feeling that put us together. It is not easy because the dark side has several plausible arguments. But I cannot earn anything just having them. I am following Steffie's tip to send those black clouds away, to follow the content of her email and just hope that she allows me to show my effort. The problem is that I think she will not answer fast... She will make me wait for sometime anyway. I hate waiting, but I will. I will only communicate to her by those gmail quotes. It is very hard to do like this. I need an extra strength that I hope my love for her can provide to me...