Day 18- 29/12/2009 - Tęsknię za Tobą i myślę o Tobie CIĄGLE...

Emilia,
I was reading (torturing myself) some old messages and emails. Do you remember the excitement you felt during the planing of my visit to Wroclaw? At least for me you sounded so excited, happy and anxious about that. And I am pretty sure I was showing to you how fast I wanted that my vacations end to finally see you for us spend some WONDERFUL days together. So, I was as much as, or even a bit more excited like that about our trip to Brazil. It was so nice to make the plan and dream about us together there. But do you have any idea of how I am feeling now about this? It is so terrible... It will sound an exaggeration, but I do not want to go without you... I cannot just give up of such nice dream... Is like a torture to think that now you NEED to avoid me to decide about your future... What did happen? What should I do? What did I do wrong? Are there any feelings for me in your heart? This is making me crazy... One day I can stay cool and say to myself that I should wait, because there is nothing I can do. In others I am just angry to you because you are not treating me like I deserve. And there are others (like today) that I am just dying because of this lack of understanding... What are you doing? Please, release me from the pain... I just like you too much to do this by my own like I tried. Part of me is still stuck in that moment when we both were just living magical moments together. This time I really need you to say GO AWAY! Otherwise I will not heal, because you will never explain to me why you care so much to do not hurt Radek and you are just hurting me so bad...
Anyway, most of the time I am just sad thinking about you, wishing to kiss and hug you again, wishing to hear your voice again, wishing that everything that happened this last days were just a really bad dream, and I only need to wake up to continue to be happy with you again!

Let me go....please...