Day 12- 23/12/2009

I have just waken up...from a dream with her. Emilia was only using towels, on the body and on the head. We were laying side by side. She looked at me and I could see she was about to start to say something. But she was struggling, as usual. I realized it was a dream, and I "escaped" from there before listening my own explanation from her mouth.

I need alcohol to act normally. I am lacking some sort of endorphins and beer, or this gluwine can provide a minimal dose for me to act at least less weird than I am feeling. I wish I could be drunk all day. I look things from other perspective also and do not feel sad.

I am going to write something to her today... maybe before sleeping. Talking about love, the way Roberta told me by skype. If she did not write me on Christmas, neither after 30 when she supposed to receive flowers from me, I will send to her on the day of my birthday...

I went to a therm. Relaxing, but I did no suppose to be here. I am not fitting. I just want to get drunk and go home... wherever my home is...