Ok, it is over… Christmas season. I will always be grateful to Steffie for being such a good friend. But I was the extra bag… I did not fit at all... Her parents were great… I even received presents. The food was amazing. But I did not suppose to be there.
I am still feeling like I failed in every single task of this year. And again, as everything that I have been trying to achieve, I almost did it… It was very close, and this only makes me more disappointed. I almost had one nice chance to grow in my career. And more important, I almost found someone to share my life…
I am thinking about her CIAGLE… And it is hurting very much. I am still trying to find explanations in my mind because she really refused to do it properly and just “disappeared”. I wish to be able to stop liking her… sell those tickets and move on like I should. She really hurt me and I just should think she did not do anything to deserve all that I did to her.
Maybe my sister is right. Somehow I only want what is very hard to achieve or impossible to get. This fits very well with this feature of enjoying a little of pain. Why do I like her? I have one answer. Because the way I am, the way I feel when I am with her. So, does not matter with whom, I just want to be with someone capable of triggering such thing in me. Is this love? Is love about this?
I will try to stand like this till my birthday… Till the start of MY new year. It has been thought, and is going to be even more difficult. I hope something happen in between to make me to feel less depressed and miserable.
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