Day 25 - 05/01/2010

One day for my birthday... I could not be more sad about this... 32 is too much to be in the situation I am now...

I am going to try to call Emilia today. I hope she will answer. She cannot be that coward and she have to stand by her own decisions. I really need to hear from her that everything was a mistake... that should not have happened... that I have to forget about this trip to Brazil and about her forever... Actually I wanted to hear the opposite... but if I hear something from her it will be already good to start my climbing out of this deep role. If she at least could FINALLY say GO AWAY I would be able continue living (quite) normally.

It is very strange what I am feeling after "discovering" all her lies... It is like seeing myself, lost in that difficult situation with Roberta and Carina 5 year ago... I understand her actions. They made me suffer way too much, but I understand how things can get complicated VERY fast till the point of being out of control... I only hope she can just say something to me today...

Also, today Ramesh wants to discuss with me... I am quite sure he will finally say that I have no job for the next year. My mother and my sister keep saying that I should try to have good thoughts about it. But thinking in both situations, staying and going are almost "equally" a bad thought. The second would just be more comfortable... somehow... Lets see what happens today. It a big day, the last day of my "old" year... I am very scared...